Tag: Police Blotter

You’re Doing It Wrong

Maggie McNeill calls things like this “good fantasy, bad reality”.

A Southwest Florida man’s planned threesome with his wife and another woman ended with him behind bars on felony battery charges after he punched and swung a TV at his bride.

Jorge Daniel Silva, of Naples, was arrested Sunday after police said he became enraged when the threesome went awry, according to a Collier County Sheriff’s Office report obtained by the Naples Daily News.

What set him off, apparently, was that the two women started kissing each other. Apparently, he thought “threesome” meant “two women worshipping me”.

I don’t really want to make light of this since the guy went completely nuts, beating his wife with a television (seriously). She sounds like she’s in a bad way. I’m hoping she makes a full recovery and he enjoys his prison threesomes.

But still, this should be a lesson to every would-be sexual explorer. The correct response to your wife making out with another woman is to watch rapturously and say, “Holy crap, this is awesome!” (also, send me pictures). If, however, this is the sort of thing that will send you into a hulk-like rage, maybe threesomes aren’t for you.

Finally, here is the least surprising thing about the story:

The report said all three appeared to be under the influence of alcohol.

God dammit, when are we going to ban the scourge of alcohol from our society? It turns perfectly acceptable threesomes into violent explosions. Won’t someone please think of the (emotional) children?