Tragedy strikes, but with a name like that…

Not a fan of NASCAR, but I have always told people that Dick Trickle – what an f-ing name, huh? – was the man I would root for if I was into that stuff. So I am saddened to find out that there will not be any more Dick Trickle jokes without making fun of the dead. Guess it is time to find me a new favorite sport’s name.

Anyone know some people with real messed up names I can now make the butt of my jokes? I heard CM once considered changing his name to Balls McSplooge, but that’s just a vicious and unfounded rumor, I bet. I do have to admit to knowing a fella called Phillip McCraken, and to telling him his parents were some real mean mofos for naming him Phillip with that kind of last name.


I’ve been feeling overly anxious lately. What with Norwegian lunatics and congress critters all acting like petulant 5 year olds, I’m finding the need for some symmetry, some balance, something familiar that tells me everything is going to be alright. And aside from a shot of Dewars and a Seconal, nothing balances my ying and yang more than making fun of liberals progressives. I’ll preface with the usual disclaimers for those delicate types, no, I don’t mean all, and yes, I’m stereotyping, but if your sensibilities are wound too tight, you’re forgiven.

The other day there was a NASCAR event in Nashville. Let me say up front that I don’t get NASCAR, well, I get it, but I’m not a big fan. But for those like myself who are on the outside looking in, NASCAR is not only huge (the biggest spectator sport in America), but if you live in the South, you get NASCAR. Here was the opening invocation:

Praise The lord, and pass the ammunition.

One of the big reasons why I support the idea of NASCAR, aside from it being an all American concept, is populated by God fearing, country loving, girl chasing, beer drinking, flag waving, law abiding citizens, but the whole concept totally flummoxes liberals. And it is easy to figure out why:

They lead off the event with a prayer, bringing God into anything rubs them the wrong way.
It is always populated by large crowds of military personnel and there is usually a call from the announcer to recognize and applaud the military, liberals will tolerate our imperialist arm but would rather keep them at arms length, we should not aggrandize the killing of civilians.
There is usually a fly over, more chest thumping, we need to suppine ourselves before the world, not jersey pop in front of them.
Then, there is that whole carbon footprint/AGW problem, if they have to race, why not use solar powered cars or Prius’? The waste of fossil fuels is just too hard to stomach, polluters, every one of them.
And lastly, you have that whole concept of driving fast, now for most liberals who would cry for their mommy if stuck in a car going anything over 80 mph, and since “rubbing” is “racing”, you need to put away those girlee man tendencies and start exuding some testosterone.

NASCAR fans, for the most part, are simple people, they understand basic concepts like living within your means, respecting your women folk, keeping the government small non intrusive and hungry, doing what’s right because that was how you were raised, and loving this great land of ours. They will have an American flag in the window of their pick up, a rifle rack with the requisite loaded rifle (why else have one?), a bumper sticker with a picture of our president on it saying ,”Does this ass make my pick up look big?”, and maybe a confederate flag on there as well. But don’t bring up any stupid racist overtones about it, you will summarily get your ass kicked, but he will pick you up and shake your hand after wards, southern hospitality and all.

If I lived in the south, I would be a NASCAR fan, all that other stuff, I do anyway.