Tag: Lawsuits

Lawsuit of the Week

Tipped to me by Harley, with the words, “Lee would have LOVED this“. A lawsuit is being filed over … well …

8. [Defendant] was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the [Alpha Tau Omega fraternity] deck, located on the back of the ATO house.

10. [Defendant] placed a bottle rocket in his anus [and] ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in Defendant’s rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

13. Per the applicable codes … the deck in question should have had a railing, which comported with said codes.

Yeah, um … asshole … it was the lack of a railing that made you fall off the deck. Not the act of sticking explosives into a bodily orifice. There is no way in hell a sentence that starts out “shoot bottle rockets out of his anus” is not going to eventually contain the words “hospital”, “reattached” and “called Explosive Fart Machine for the rest of his life”.

To be fair, he will probably win a settlement of some kind since he was served alcohol and allowed onto a deck that violated code. But there is going be a lot of snickering that court room.