Tag: Keep your junk off my food

Canadian bacon, pineapple, extra cheese, and your balls – to go.

Forget some fast food douchebag spitting in your food: Piss them off, and have them rub their junk on your pie:

SEPTEMBER 16—Angered that a customer called in a pizza order right before closing time, a Texas teenager allegedly rubbed his genitals on the patron’s pie as he prepared the takeout order, police allege.

Brent Bradley told cops that when he arrived at Papa Murphy’s pizza in Georgetown, a city 25 miles north of Austin, he spotted worker Austin Michael Symonds “rubbing his testicles on the pizza he had ordered,” according to a criminal complaint detailing the September 2 incident.

When confronted by the customer–who was there to pick up a large stuffed pie with Canadian bacon, pineapple, and extra cheese–the 18-year-old Symonds immediately apologized. “Man, I am really sorry, that was stupid,” Symonds said, according to the complaint.

Bradley then asked Symonds how old he was. After the teenager answered that he was 18, Bradley said, “So you are old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone’s pizza.” “Yes,” said Symonds.

In a recorded call with a store manager the following day, Symonds reportedly copped to adding the unwanted topping. Symonds again apologized, adding that he “did what he did because the customer had called in the order right before closing time.”

I guess this idiot figured extra cheese meant extra Frumunda cheese. For those of you not gifted with the Paisano gene like me, Frumunda cheese is “Cheese from unda da ballz”.