Dateline 2048 AD, from the Associated Press-Fox news Hive Mind
With the 2048 Presidential election due to happen tomorrow, candidates have already announced their campaigns for the 2052 Presidential race (as well as a few for the 2056 race). One candidate that is particularly drawing attention is familiar face — Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Clinton, having lost her 2008 Presidential bid to Barack Obama, her 2012 bid to Bernie Sanders, her 2020 bid to Nikki Haley, her 2028 bid to Ivanka Trump, her 2036 bid to Bristol Palin and her 2044 bid to a cloned Ronald Reagan, has vowed that this time she will at long last become President.
Clinton was woken from cryogenic sleep shortly before her first campaign appearance and appeared a bit confused, saying that she was looking forward to being America’s “first woman President”. When it was pointed out that she would actually be the third, her campaign advisors said that the quote was taken out of context by cyborgs of the Republican-Libertarian-Texas Alliance.
Clinton has promised free college to all Americans (although college, as such, was abolished in 2045 after direct brain uploads made it obsolete). She has also promised to complete the work of Obamacare, which may prove difficult given that the entire insurance market imploded in 2020 and was replaced with the barter system.
Clinton is expected to face some controversy over her past experience. Her tenure as Secretary of State under Obama saw the rise of ISIS while her tenure as Secretary of Defense under Sanders saw ISIS turn the entirety of Iraq and Syria into a Jihadist Theme Park, featuring stoning of adulteresses and beheadings of infidels. Her brief stint as Secretary of Treasury was marred by controversy over putting her own face on the $20 bill.
Still, her motto of, “She’s rested, she’s ready, she’s thawed out, she only has three bionic limbs and really anyone who would have surrendered to those aliens” is expected to resonate with the seven people who still vote instead of spending their entire lives in the virtual pornography chambers the Sanders administration distributed in 2019.
“Enough already,” she told the virtual hologram of George Stephanopoulos. “I’m going to President this time. I don’t care if I did finish second in Iowa to a species of intelligent moss. It’s my turn.