Tag: best of lee

Best of Lee: 1996 USENET Classic “Tossing my salad”

WARNING – NSFW.

Before anyone knew him as Lee from RTFTLC, he was known for years as Buck Satan, a moniker he borrowed from Al Jourgensen of Ministry. I met him in the Usenet newsgroup alt.music.nin in 1994. NIN fans were “ninnies” and denizens of alt,music.nin were “amninnies,”  just so you understand the terminology. In case it’s not obvious, I’m Stark.

In September of 1996, Lee posted something that will live on amongst amninnies forever. Literally, forever. It was just referenced earlier today on Facebook which is what prompted me to go find the original text and share it with you here, now.

From: 2-Buck Shakur (thx1***@pacificnet.net)
Subject: Salad Tossing and other nastiness…
Newsgroups: alt.music.nin
Date: 1996/09/17

Okay, I haven’t posted in a while, and I was talking with Stark about this the other day, and I thought that I’d get a few opinions on this from you fucking ninnies.

I had a date with this chick the other day, and afterwards we came back to my pad, and one thing led to another and we ended up rolling around butt-ass nekkid on my king-size bed.  We were doing the usual licking/sucking/groping things that two people do.

I was laying on my back, and she was down in the “nether region” giving me a blowjob.  Then the weird shit happened. She started playing with my ass crack.  Okay, I’m thinking, no biggie, feels kinda cool.  Then she starts licking my ass crack.  Okay, this is kinda weird, I think.  Then she starts LICKING MY MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!  She started TOSSING MY FUCKING SALAD!

It was entirely too fucking weird.  I didn’t know whether to get into it or whether to run screaming from the room and spray ammonia up my ass with a fucking firehose.  I mean, it didn’t feel *BAD*, per se… it’s just that… I mean, it’s my fucking ASSHOLE for christ’s sake…  ASSHOLE! Shit comes out of there, ya know?  My fucking sphincter!

I don’t know what to think, ya know?  I mean, one the one hand it felt kinda cool and shit, but on the other… I mean, it’s my ANUS! BLEECH! She stuck her TONGUE UP MY FUCKING HAIRY ASS!

I can understand if this is like some pornstar chicks ass, ya know?  I mean, some nice, clean, perfumed, shaved crotch I can sorta understand burying your face down there… but this is me… Buck.  Those of you who know me can imagine what my asshole is like – my fucking hairy, shit-encusted, smelly fucking bunghole nestled between two pimply, hairy, gelatinous mounds of ass-cheek.  It just fucking turns my stomach sometimes…

So, what I wanna get is some comments and shit.  Anyone out there an ass-eater from way back?  I mean, when you go to Baskin Robbins and they ask you what flavor you want, do you say colon?  Any of you out there,guy or chick, enjoy having your asshole eaten out?  This whole ass thing is pretty fucking new to me on the RECEIVING end, and it’s just kinda freaking me out sorta…

Okay, I’m gonna go hang myself now.

Buck
Saving his sphincter for Stark…

Lee was a lot of things. Loud, big of heart and stature, boisterous, funny as shit, and among his many traits was consistency. 1996, pre-blog, he was just as filthy, funny and open about his daily life as he was for so many years at RTFTLC.

I mean, when you go to Baskin Robbins and they ask you what flavor you want, do you say colon?

Genius. :)

The Best of Lee (admin stuff)

Wow. Now I remember why I hate ExpressionEngine.

My original idea for this feature was to find a non-search way of slipping Lee’s posts into something – an RSS feed, another blog, whatever – and then importing posts at random as long as they were of over a certain word length. Except Lee wrote 11,029 posts. That’s too many posts for any solution at all. It’s too much data. Lee could talk. :)

So…I devised a lo-fi way of doing this. If you go to http://bit.ly/bestoflee (that bit.ly URL is permanent under my account) you will see a stripped-down, fast loading page with three of Lee’s 11,029 posts, pulled at random. If you like one, you can click the mail link and it will shoot me email with the link to the original. Since I’m admin in the old EE system also, I see a special link on the post that takes me directly to the edit screen where I can grab the raw HTML and post it here in the new blog in a minute.

The only thing I suggest is limiting yourself to one suggestion a week, since there’s a lot of people. Which brings me to the next question.

How often do we want to do this? I was thinking Fridays and maybe sticky it through the weekend? Or would it be better to post it say, Wednesday morning? Sound off!

By the way, if you just want to walk down memory lane and revel in Lee’s frigging awesomeness, that page is good for that as well. Once I built it I spent a good 30 minutes reloading instead of writing this post.