Tag: America’s Cup

Our Cup Runneth Over

Go big or go home, you are either the hero or the goat, winner take all, last man standing, and as Iceman said, the trophy for second place is located in the ladies room next to the Tampon dispenser.

For the uninitiated a curious event will take place in about 7 hours, precipitated by a little boating race being held in the beautiful idyllic waters of the San Francisco Bay, an event which will ultimately cause the demise of approx. half the walking human population of New Zealand, and resulting in a mass suicide, the likes of which has not been seen since Masada. But even Masasa will seem like a garden party when the day is done, what a great day to own stock in a razor blade company.

I thought I would get this off of that oh so tedious global warming post and build it a home of its own. The last race of the America’s Cup is slated for about 1pm PST. Yeah, I know, it’s hard for the hoi polli to relate to a bunch of rich guys tooling around in one of their latest purchased toys, but admit it, if you were loaded you would also own a yacht. And what better way to measure dick size among the hoity-toity then exhibiting your ability to “man” a sea craft (as with the ladies).

Wealth and a competitive nature go hand in hand, and Larry Ellison (the guy that practically invented the concept of ripping off your head and shitting down your throat) reflects the nature perfectly. Buying an entire Hawaiian Island is passe’, for the well healed, crushing an opponent on a world stage then circling back to piss on his burning heap, that is de rigueur.

I won’t go into the history of the America’s Cup, let’s just say that there is a legitimate reason it is called the America’s Cup ( I thought those stodgy Brits were supposed to be the masters of the sea?). But history will be made today, regardless of which way it turns, both in terms of the number of races and the closeness of the competition.

I admit, I am no fan of the current arrangement. The past winner gets to decide not only venue, but race rules, and what type of craft to use (I expect some future winner opting for solar powered jet ski’s), but there is talk of returning to the monohull type, bring back the clipper ships.

One could say that the Kiwi’s are more deserving, after all, what else do they have? The Americans could lose and it would not register a blip on any national radar, but down under (can we still use that term for you guys?) diddling sheep and boat racing is about it. I am also not thrilled about the state sponsoring their entry, brings back memories of the Soviet Union and how they handled their athletes (were those buffed out steroid ridden East German female weight lifters stunning, or what?)

I suspect that very few NZ’ers will be going in to work today, although the race is early enough there time that they could still have their good cry post race and still manage. From 8 to 1 up, to now tied 8 to 8, the hand wringing is enormous.

I will congratulate Emirates Team New Zealand (I guess that oil money was pretty enticing, uh?) now for a valiant effort. I suspect that much like a South American soccer team that loses the big one, the crew of ETNZ will be going into witness protection at the end of the day.

OK, seriously ,CM and Cress, good luck today and may the best team win. For the rest of us, batten down the hatches, reset the topgallons, and hoist the mizzen, I will be on my second Anchor Steam come race time.