So the other day Jim and I were talking on the phone, and he told me about something going on over at Michelle Malkin’s blog. Basically Kid Rock had been invited to perform at one of the inaugural balls, and a whole bunch of stick-up-their-ass religious yahoos were getting all bent out of shape about it. Malkin, whose work Jim and I both admire, was on the side of the yahoos. You can read all the details over at Jim’s site, but suffice it to say that he and I are in total agreement.
I’m not much of a Kid Rock fan, but I like him as a person and as an entertainer. It’s a rarity these days that you find someone who is willing to engage in overt acts of patriotism, and who solidly supports our troops, not to mention someone willing to perform at an event for President Bush. So, the first opportunity they get, these uptight dickheads work to get him kicked off the ticket. As Jim writes, “This is exactly the kind of behavior that drives young people away from the Republican party.” As far as contemporary rock musicians go, Kid Rock is pretty tame. Yes he has vulgarity in his songs, and he sings about sex, but who gives a shit? I mean, seriously, who cares? Obviously a bunch of panty-waisted, uptight conservative dickheads. Anyhow, I was thinking of blogging on it the other day, but it was pretty much a dead issue, and Jim did such a good job eviscerating Malkin and her supporters that I thought I’d let him ride the wave.
Until tonight, that is, when I received an email from some guy called Will Harper.
The following is an exact copy of an email which I just sent to the organizer of the Presidential Inauguration Committee…
Subject: “Yeah this dick fits right in your ass”
Dear Mr. Jenkins,
That’s a QUOTE from what you intend to expose our kids to. (Kid Rock, “Cowboy"). There is plenty of filth where that comes from. I will be including the president and the vice president in this email.
I ask that Kid Rock be uninvited to perform at the Inauguration’s Youth Concert. His appearance is an insult to every Values Voter who voted for Mr. Bush in the last election.
It is time for the Republican Party to walk their talk when it comes to values. If Kid Rock does appear, it will seriously erode the trust that
Values Voters have in your party.
Life, Liberty, Happiness and Pursuit of all who threaten it.
God Blessed America
Will Harper
Now, take a look at Will Harper’s website. Seriously, you can just see the 2x4 shoved up this guy’s ass, can’t you? He looks like that creepy “God is in his holy temple” guy from Poltergeist III, sort of what you’d get if Tom Petty and Jimmy Carter had a baby. What I find so monumentally offensive about his email is that he assumed, just because I am a Republican and a conservative, I would gladly join his crusade to rid the world of the scourge of Kid Rock.
Hey, Will. Go fuck yourself. Your entire argument against Kid Rock is negated by something my mother taught me when I was four years old: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Exactly how are Kid Rock’s lyrics going to hurt you, Will? Allow me to demonstrate my point.
I’m sick of this shit. If your life is so fucking empty and meaningless that you can’t let young people have ONE FUCKING CONCERT with music that they happen to like then I seriously, without word of a lie, hope you take your own life. I would give 1,000 Will Harpers for one Kid Rock. Will, you can come over here any time you like and suck my big fat cock while I take a hot, steaming shit on your chest. You goat raping, turd-swallowing, ball sack, pimple on an Arab’s ass. You’re worth less to me than a dirty gas station toilet full of Michael Moore’s diarrhea. I hope you get gang raped by a roving gang of leather biker faggots, until they squirt so much cum up your fucking asshole that it starts running out your fucking ears.
Now, let’s review. One of two things have happened, gentle reader. Either you were so offended that you quit reading a paragraph ago, or you stuck with it. Now that it’s over, are any of you different? Are your lives changed for the worse? Have you suffered permanent damage? Do you require medical attention? Or could it possibly be that, as hard as this may be to fathom, THEY’RE JUST FUCKING WORDS, an d have had no negative effect on you whatsoever?
Look, the 50’s are over. The Cleaver family is long dead. The world is full of faggots and dykes and porno and swear words and Howard Stern and violent movies and dirty websites. GET THE FUCK USED TO IT. Rather than run around wasting time trying to persecute average guys like Kid Rock, why not go after the real scumbags who deserve it? I mean, you’d think someone invited Larry fucking Flynt to address the Vatican. Why try and piss off every single person, like me, who wants so much to feel included in the GOP and keeps getting shut out by these redneck fundamentalist Christian dickwads?
Look, anyone who has read this blog for any period of time knows how supportive I am of religious rights and freedom in this country, despite not being particularly religious myself. Is it too fucking much to ask that people support me in return? Is the GOP so fucking rigid and small that it can’t include people like me, who enjoy some of the saucier things in life? I don’t expect anyone to condone anything I believe, only to accept my right to exist and to participate in the Republican Party. Because if it’s a choice between voting Libertarian or voting for a party full of Will Harpers, I know where I’m going to be wasting my vote.
Thanks, Will. Thanks for confirming every fucking ridiculous stereotype that the left throws at Republicans. You fucking piece of shit.
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