"To what purpose are powers limited, and to what purpose is that limitation committed to writing,
if these limits may, at any time, be passed by those intended to be restrained?"
-- Chief Justice John Marshall, Marbury v. Madison, 1803

Pwn3d

by Lee

As we all know I’m a dedicated Mac guy, which is why you Windows gamer phreakz will really get a kick out of this.

Apple rep Steve Brolin visited your local Mac dealer just yesterday and, while trying to convince all the gamers in the store that the one-button mouse is the best option for gaming, got a royal beatdown in Halo. “The myth of two-button mice dominating the gaming world needs to be dispelled,” Brolin boasted boldly to a small gathering of Mac gamers, all in their late teens, “and I’m going to show you why it is that today and for years to come the Apple one-button mouse will always dominate two-button mousers.” While attempting to demonstrate his theorem to the suspicious crowd, Brolin fired up a game of Halo on a G5 and started playing online. He then proceeded, in the words of onlookers, to get “owned”.

“At first he’s laughing and going ‘woo woo” and all this weird stuff,” recounts 16-year old Billy Tamasso, who witnessed Brolin’s bloody massacre “but he kinda shut up once he couldn’t even score a single kill. The other players were swapping weapons and tossing grenades at him and he’s trying to do this command-space-jump-turn thing I totally didn’t get and would just keep dying over and over.”

The shame didn’t end there, however: “Once he died, like, fifteen or so times he totally started getting mad and picking the mouse up and smacking it down. He was saying all these swears and stuff and I dunno… I went home after that”.

The one-button mouse is Apple’s last remaining legacy piece of junk.  The first thing I do when I buy a new Mac is shitcan the mouse in favor of a two-button scrollwheel.  The one-button is good for small children and old farts, but for everyone in that 60 year age gap in between they’re just a pain in the ass.

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