if these limits may, at any time, be passed by those intended to be restrained?"
-- Chief Justice John Marshall, Marbury v. Madison, 1803
All I Wanna Do Is Wipe My Buns
by Lee
Seriously, folks, you can’t make this shit up. Or, in this case, wipe it off.
Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.
Crow has suggested using “only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required”.The 45-year-old, who made the comments on her website, has just toured the US on a biodiesel-powered bus to raise awareness about climate change. … “I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming,” Crow wrote.
“Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.
“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.”
What kind of a fucking asshole could come up with something as asinine as this? Let me get this straight. We’re supposed to believe that the polar ice caps are melting, that sea levels are going to rise 100 feet, that some of the world’s major port cities are going to be underwater, that animal life is going extinct… and Sheryl Crow thinks that the solution to the problem is for us to wipe our asses less?
Update: I think Demolition Man has the solution.
John Spartan: [whispering to Lenina] Look, I don’t know if you guys know it, but uh… you’re out of toilet paper.
Alfredo Garcia: [confused] Did… did you say toilet *paper*?
Lenina Huxley: Um… they used handfuls of wadded paper back in the 20th…
[Lenina, Alfredo, and Erwin all laugh]
John Spartan: I’m happy that you’re happy, but the place where you’re supposed to have the toilet paper, you’ve got this little shelf with three seashells on it.
Erwin: He doesn’t know how to use the three seashells!
[Erwin continues to laugh, then calms down]
Erwin: I can see how that could be confusing.
Comments
She obviously has never been around a big guy in the restroom. But her ex was an athlete for chrissakes! She knows what that kind of anal production looks like.
Seriously, when I go on an all-out bathroom assault, 1 fucking sheet of TP will do a whole bunch of NOTHING to take care of it…
Quick note: that report left out two significant details. Her original blog posting looked more like this:
“Only one square per restroom visit (#1), except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required (#2)”
Or maybe she edited that in later. In any case, two or three may be enough if you’ve been dieting and are producing rabbit turds, but I’d imagine the average American diet necessitates quite a bit more than that.
Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.
Crow has suggested using “only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required”.
And who will know when I use four? If I’m in a public facility, will I get zapped or something?
"I need TP for my bunghole!”
Considering most of these folks are veggies you’d think they’d need a lot more than one square or two…
BTW, did anyone catch Jeff Foxworthy’s speech at the CMT awards? The video is now on YouTube. It was dead on and needed to be said.
Well, if we all used lots of water for our bidets, we could get by with a nice fluffy cotton towel to dry our buns with.
Seriously, this chick needs to revive her porn career and STFU already.
No wonder Lance left her, she’s a low-grade moron.
Everyone can thank WVR and Foxworthy for this:
I generally do not respect or like country music. The only songs I respect are the ones written and performed by the same people, and even then they might be boring songs.
The majority is just formulaic garbage carefully assembled in order to make a bunch of money. One guy writes some relevant lyrics, someone else makes a catchy tune, they give it to some country “artist”, a band learns the song, if you’re really lucky the band and “artist” put their own little twist on it to give it some personality (more often some producer engineers said twists making it all the more phony), and finally it’s shoved onto radio and tv where it’s played a billion times and a bunch of rednecks go out and buy it. All popular music is just as bad really (excepting the few cases where music of actual quality happens to appeal to a popular audience).
Real music happens when a few talented people get together and write their hearts out with the intention of performing their music in front of a crowd. Real music isn’t always pretty, but at least it’s real. And when you find the good stuff, it’s good and real.
I broke the Sheryl Crow TP story over on my blog on Friday. Then Hot Air grabbed it. And now it’s front page at Drudge.
I’m famous because Sheryl Crow doesn’t want you to wipe your butt.
Fabulous.
I’m sure the perfume companies are “behind” this 100%
That’s it, no more rim jobs for Sheryl Crow!!!!!
She has obviously never eaten at Taco Bell!
I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to shake hands with her.....
So, if you guys just have to pee and shake, can you save up your squares for the “other” times? Maybe you could save up about 10 squares for the blowout that peels the wallpaper off. Hey, then you could use that !!! How’s that for conservation? Conserve toilet paper, remove ugly wallpaper and save the polar ice caps ...
Here’s what I sent a friend this morning, who insisted that I should be aware of the genius of the Crowster:
Sheryl, you’ve WIPED the problem! Just don’t lick it, too!
OR
A bidet is a bidet is a bidet is a bidet
OR
A bidet by any other name would smell.
OR
SHIIIIIIEEETTTTT!!!!!!
We need a toilet paper trading system:
Mexico: Eh, Esse, we need son extra squares, ju know?
US: We’re sorry, we can spare any.
Mexico: Ju can’t spare a square?
US: We’re sorry. We can’t spare a square. We don’t have a square to spare.
Maybe we can get the Goracle to set a system of toilet paper offsets. That way people who eat lots of Mexican food can acquire extra TP from people who eat too much cheese.
“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.”
I’m rather curious as to how this “limitation” would be enforced...and what kind of person would want that kind of job.
I’m rather curious as to how this “limitation” would be enforced...and what kind of person would want that kind of job.
I vote Ms. Crow to be head of the “toilet paper limit patrol”, being her idea and all…
I hated the paranoia of Y2K TP hoarding, but what I hate even worse is that a mere 8 years later we are facing a new reason to hoard the 2-ply Bunny Soft.
What a ‘tard............
On a side note, most countries in Asia don’t use toilet paper, there is a hose, like the one you would find on your kitchen sink here in the states, to wash the clingon’s off.
I always carried a pack of tissues with me when living in the Philippines, Singapore and Thailand.
That reminds me, in many of the public restrooms in Chile, there was a bathroom attendant that handed out TP one square at a time…
There was a particulary nice old guy in the National Airport that would do the duty. I’d tell the dude that I was an American with a big ass and to keep them sheets a comin’… He always remembered me after that, oddly enough…
not only is Sherly Crow pretty, she’s also retarded. good for her !
How do you get to the Jeff Foxworthy speech?
How do you get to the Jeff Foxworthy speech?
I found it by going to youtube.com and searching for Jeff Foxworthy CMT award.
What kind of a fucking asshole could come up with something as asinine as this? Let me get this straight. We’re supposed to believe that the polar ice caps are melting, that sea levels are going to rise 100 feet, that some of the world’s major port cities are going to be underwater, that animal life is going extinct… and Sheryl Crow thinks that the solution to the problem is for us to wipe our asses less?
You guys really do believe that liberals don’t have a sense of humor!! It was a joke, a put-on.
Go read the latest issue of the Onion to get back on track and refind your laugh ‘o meter. You guys.................
i certainly hope so, beano ...
Next entry: Guns or Other Stuff
Previous entry: Lack of Planning
Maybe she should stop touring instead? Seriously, I could wipe my ass with a roll of toilet paper every time I took a dump and still not affect the planet as much as her tour buses, tractor trailers, planes, etc… consume on her tour. Think of the electricity she needs for each of her concerts. Fucking cunt…