Category: Fun and Humor

Dave Barry Reviews 2017

This is always the best end-of-the-year article. In 2017, it’s amazing to remember how many bizarre unbelievable stories filled the news.

Meanwhile the big emerging journalism story is the Russians, who, according to many unnamed sources, messed with the election. Nobody seems to know how, specifically, the Russians affected the election, but everybody is pretty sure they did something, especially CNN, which has not been so excited about a story since those heady months in 2014 when it provided 24/7 video coverage of random objects floating in the Pacific while panels of experts speculated on whether these objects might or might not have anything to do with that missing Malaysian airliner. You can tune into CNN anytime, day or night, and you are virtually guaranteed to hear the word “Russians” within 10 seconds, even if it’s during a Depends commercial.

President Trump, following in the footsteps of Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln, tweets out a video clip from the internet in which he body-slams a wrestler with a CNN logo superimposed over the wrestler’s head. This in itself is so embarrassing that everybody assumes the story cannot get any stupider, but CNN rises to the occasion by announcing that its “KFile” investigative team has ferreted out the identity of the image’s creator, a private citizen who goes by the internet name “HanA**holeSolo.” (We are not making this up.) In a lengthy story on this journalistic coup, CNN magnanimously declares that it will not reveal HanA**holeSolo’s identity because he apologized and “showed his remorse” for other things he has tweeted that CNN, in its constitutionally prescribed role as Internet Police, deemed unacceptable. And thus the republic is saved.

Let’s hope 2018 is a bit better.

You can’t make this level of idiocy up, man

On this day where the collectivists celebrate the triumph of their murderous ideology – over 120 million killed and billions imprisoned in hell – there is bound to be so much stupidity making rounds that one would feel lost trying to find what to deal with, but then you run into gems like this one:

In an interview with “The New Yorker Radio Hour” broadcast over the weekend, CNN president Jeff Zucker derided Fox News as a propaganda outlet for the Trump administration, while claiming his own network was the only cable news outlet broadcasting “the truth.”

Asked for his assessment of the cable news landscape in the era of President Trump, Zucker began his reply by saying: “Obviously Fox News is, uh,” then paused for more than 11 seconds. “So, look, there’s three cable news networks. Certainly in primetime and in the morning, Fox is state-run TV and is extolling the line out of the White House.”

A spokeswoman for Fox did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

The people that spent 8 years sucking Obama’s cock, then all but sold their dignity to try and push a lame and corrupt woman whose accomplishments all are negative unless they are whitewashed or made up whole cloth, over the finish line, now suddenly feel the game is rigged?

This is the response Fox News should give these idiots:

Here is the LSM projecting on others

Here is the LSM projecting on others

Group Hug

How cool is this? An alternate universe where Hillary actually won the presidency;

A place for the unhinged triggered perpetually aggrieved, like a warm blanket wrapped in puppies.

The site is really pretty funny, all the fake news (of course the average drop in would not know it) you can wag a finger at, but drop the clutched pearls first.

Reading some of headlines got me thinking, what other nonsense would they believe?

1) The science is settled.
2) A first grader at Monmoth elementary school found a unicorn horn fragment in the school sandbox yesterday. “Peer reviewed” by the other first graders, the consensus being ,”I guess it could be part of a unicorn”, a study documenting the finding will be published in this month’s “Mythological Creature Review”.
3) A DNA test has revealed that Trump really is Hitler, a cloned Hitler.
4) The NY Times has just leaked a copy of Robert Byrd’s will identifying Steve Bannon as his illegitimate son.
5) Brian Pagliano, in a plea deal to avoid prison, provided heretofore unknown Clinton emails linking her to a paid hit squad that assassinated Ambassador Chris Stevens during the Benghazi attack. The emails revealed that Stevens had an affair with Chelsea back in 2011, whereby he refused to marry Chelsea after she became pregnant. A Stevens reply was attached to one of the emails where he stated he would rather nail his penis to a burning building than be part of the Clinton mob family.
6) A BLM activist found a new witness in the Ferguson area who gave an oral account of the event stating that Michael Brown really did have his hands up and said ,”Don’t shoot”. 2 other activists in the room, who heard the retelling, peer reviewed the account, settling the argument once and for all.

Oh, and those white folks that criticized Obama are racists, unable to overcome their racial prejudices and view Obama objectively, they will all buy that whopper.

$9 Trillion in debt! WHO YOU GONNA BLAME?

Read the title of my post as a spoof on the whole Ghostbusters song – the good one from back then, not the idiotic PC reboot that Hollywood douched us with last year – because it is appropriate. The other day another old democrat crone was asked for an explanation of why the country accumulated $9 trillion plus dollars in debt with absolutely nothing to show for it (a lot of vote buying there and Hillary still lost), and Pelosi, in her grandeur, blamed Boosh. I am starting to think Boosh might be some kind of inhumane super fiend, because the guy can do everything impossible.

Let’s all sign it, baby: If the left is called out on something bad, who ya gonna blame? “George BOOSH”! Catchy…

Here we go:

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi blamed former President George W. Bush and the Republicans on Friday for the more than $9 trillion that has been added to the national debt under President Obama’s watch.

Pelosi argued that under Obama, the annual budget deficit, which contributes to the national debt, has been reduced dramatically, and said that without Obama’s work, the national debt would be even higher. She also mostly blamed Bush for not paying for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

That same old tired trope again. Obama was great for the economy! Boosh’s Wars! This crap has to be because Pelosi knows for a fact that it was Boosh that bombed the twin towers. She must also think (or want everyone to believe) that it was Boosh whom unilaterally decided to invade Iraq. Thusly, poor godsend Obama struggled to end those evil wars, by losing them, and only managed to start conflicts all over the place – because of Boosh’s mind control, according to Pelosi (or was that all because of the evil Noble Peace Prize whispering in his ear?) – destabilizing the ME and the world in the process, had to spend all that money. It could never be that congress, mostly when it was totally controlled by democrats, felt obligated – probably because of Boosh’s evil super powers, again – to spend trillions more than the broken economy the democrats left us with after their social justice home-loan lending schemes imploded, so they could engage in buying votes, enriching special interests, and fattening donkey campaign coffers.

“When President Obama stood on the steps on the Capitol eight years from next week, the [budget] deficit was $1.4 trillion — one year deficit,” she said. “It’s reduced by 70 percent in his administration. Much of the increase in the national debt that has occurred from this time still springs from two unpaid-for wars, cost that we owe our veterans following that, giveaways that they gave to the pharmaceutical industry, and the high-end tax cuts that have carried forward without any job production. Absent the work of President Obama, this national debt would be even higher.”

Pelosi has some gall. Let me point out that $1.4 trillion dollar deficit was done by the congress she ran after the 2006 election, which remind everyone overrode evil Boosh to spend that money. Those of us that understand who decides how tax payer money gets spent, and who can sign for it or veto it, that is, if they can avoid that congressional override. Based on her own words, we are left basically connecting her accusations of that money being given to fat cats, with her. But somehow it still is Boosh’s fault they did that. Then you got this:

Pelosi noted the work done by former President Bill Clinton to balance the budget or leave a surplus.

You mean the work done by Newt Gingrich, thrice before it stuck? Gingrich dragged the smarter Clinton kicking and screaming away from the leftward turn his people and that crime syndicate capo he married for political convenience had been driving us for the first 2 years of his administration, and dismantled a lot of the horribly costly and wasteful welfare state. I wonder how that expensive welfare state fared under Obama, and if that coupled with the depressing and miserable Obama economy might have more to do with?

And then we have the other shoe about to drop: Obamacare. A monster that is poised to bankrupt America, if it is not slain soon. I bet Pelosi would like us to believe that was also Boosh’s fault even though not a single republican voted for this monstrosity and Boosh was on his ranch in Texas clearing brush. This is the Obama legacy, but the tools want you to believe someone else is responsible for 8 years of amateur hour.

Lets all sing it now: If you are a democrat, and you get called out on being crooks, who ya gonna blame? “George BOOSH”! If someone points out, you fucked America over good, who ya gonna blame? “George BOOSH”!

Catchy indeed. That Boosh guy is the most powerful villain in human history I tell you..

Real Housewives of Political Correctness

So, a bunch of people have their boxers in a bunch about this sketch from the BBC comedy show Revolting:

A lot of people are jumping up and down claiming this is either offensive to Muslims or trivializes the rape and oppression that the real “wives” of ISIS are enduring. Now, I have a high offense threshold and have a taste for provocative humor, so take that into account. But I actually don’t see what the big deal is. The skit is kind of funny and, to me, seems to me a much more vicious satire of reality TV than of ISIS. And, to judge by the online commentary, a lot of Muslims are fine with it since they hate ISIS as much as anyone.

As for trivializing the rape of ISIS wives … look, one of the best things to do to evil men is mock them. It drives them absolutely crazy when you makes jokes about what they consider to me the most important thing in the world. That’s why they were so furious at Charlie Hebdo because the one thing a fanatic can’t stand is not being taken seriously. Mel Brooks, a Jewish veteran of WW2, has devoted decades to mocking Hitler at every turn.

So, please … more of this. More mockery, more jokes, more caricatures.

Year in Review

They year hasn’t ended until Dave Barry posts his Year in Review. And you know this one’s going to be a humdinger:

Let’s begin with the gruesome train wreck that was the presidential election. The campaign began with roughly 14,000 candidates running. Obviously not all of them were qualified to be president; some of them — here we are thinking of “Lincoln Chafee” — were probably imaginary. But a reasonable number of the candidates seemed to meet at least the minimum standard that Americans have come to expect of their president in recent decades, namely: Not Completely Horrible.

So this mass of candidates began the grim death march that is the modern American presidential campaign — trudging around Iowa pretending to care about agriculture, performing in an endless series of televised debates like suit-wearing seals trained to bark out talking points, going to barbecue after barbecue and smiling relentlessly through mouthfuls of dripping meat, giving the same speech over and over and over, shaking millions of hands, posing for billions of selfies and just generally humiliating themselves in the marathon group grovel that America insists on putting its presidential candidates through.

After all that, the American people, looking for a leader, ended up with a choice between ointment and suppository. The fall campaign was an unending national nightmare, broadcast relentlessly on cable TV. CNN told us over and over that Donald Trump was a colossally ignorant, narcissistic, out-of-control sex-predator buffoon; Fox News countered that Hillary Clinton was a greedy, corrupt, coldly calculating liar of massive ambition and minimal accomplishment. And in our hearts we knew the awful truth: They were both right.

It wasn’t just bad. It was the Worst. Election. Ever.

This is the one thing right before New Year’s I always look forward to. And Barry doesn’t disappoint.