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Class Dismissed

I know I shouldn’t laugh at this, but … yeah:

If there were such a thing, it would probably be rule No. 1 in the teaching manual for instructors of aspiring suicide bombers: Don’t give lessons with live explosives.

In what represented a cautionary tale for terrorist teachers, and a cause of dark humor for ordinary Iraqis, a commander at a secluded terrorist training camp north of Baghdad unwittingly used a belt packed with explosives while conducting a demonstration early Monday for a group of militants, killing himself and 21 other members of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, army and police officials said.

Iraqi citizens have long been accustomed to daily attacks on public markets, mosques, funerals and even children’s soccer games, so they saw the story of the fumbling militants as a dark — and delicious — kind of poetic justice, especially coming amid a protracted surge of violence led by the terrorist group, including a rise in suicide bombings.

Let’s see. Twenty-two terrorists times 72 virgins is … 1584 virgins that terrorist heaven is going to have to come up with in a hurry. I’d maybe avoid any gaming conventions for the next month.

The more we learn about terrorists, the more Four Lions looks like a documentary. Most of these guys are idiots and incidents like this are far from isolated.

To be fair, some of the guys killed were probably delusional dickhead teenagers who joined the movement to feel big. But as far as the instructor goes — you know, the guy who tells young men how to blow themselves up while keeping himself very much alive — this is nothing but pure poetic justice.

5 comments

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  1. FPrefect89 says:

    https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4466464000/hC9FF7D4F/

    That’s what I have to say about that.

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  2. Argive says:

    The more we learn about terrorists, the more Four Lions looks like a documentary. Most of these guys are idiots and incidents like this are far from isolated.

    QFT. The idea that Islamist terrorists are a bunch of masterminds is just wrong. Some are, to be sure. Much like with criminals, the smarter ones recruit dumber people to do their bidding. But a lot of the smart terrorists are dead, and many of their followers are not exactly the sharpest arrows in the quiver. Suicide bombers blowing themselves up is nothing new, according to this excellent article from way back in 2010:

    Nowhere is the gap between sinister stereotype and ridiculous reality more apparent than in Afghanistan, where it’s fair to say that the Taliban employ the world’s worst suicide bombers: one in two manages to kill only himself. And this success rate hasn’t improved at all in the five years they’ve been using suicide bombers, despite the experience of hundreds of attacks—or attempted attacks. In Afghanistan, as in many cultures, a manly embrace is a time-honored tradition for warriors before they go off to face death. Thus, many suicide bombers never even make it out of their training camp or safe house, as the pressure from these group hugs triggers the explosives in suicide vests.

    http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-case-for-calling-them-nitwits/308130/

    This fear of terrorists as shadowy geniuses can be very damaging to our national security. We need to be realistic about our enemies to avoid overreacting.

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  3. Argive says:

    Damn. Should be “suicide bombers blowing themselves up prematurely.”

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  4. Seattle Outcast says:

    Maybe he just read the jobs report and realized that he’d peaked on the career ladder…..

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  5. Section8 says:

    I’d maybe avoid any gaming conventions for the next month.

    That’s just disturbing. Although Allah didn’t say what type of virgins you would get.

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