Hey Mr DJ: Poor Customer Service Edition

I got a text message from my cell phone provider last week. It said that my corporate discount was due for review and I needed to confirm that I was still employed by the company that had the agreement with the service provider. There was even a helpful (so I thought) phone number to call and a web address to visit.

Easy enough. I started off by calling the phone number. Who I got was a bitchy voice recording that told me to visit the website that was on the text message. The fuck? My 20% corporate discount means a lot to me, so I soldiered on. I knew that this would end in even more frustration.

The website naturally asked me for some personal and company info to ensure that everything was current. Nothing too trifling. When I saw that they wanted a pay stub, I wasn’t concerned because my employer lets me readily download them anytime I need them. There was a button on the cell phone provider’s webpage where I could even choose to upload or email my pay stub. And of course, the button was jacked up. It kept taking me back to the “My Information” page.

Keep in mind that this cell phone service provider is also an ISP. They can’t even have a functional webpage?

It was when I realized that I would have to print out the pay stub and mail it with a printed copy of a confirmation email that my frustration crested and broke against the “Customer Feedback” form on the website (which, surprisingly, did work). I detailed my annoyance with decidedly less restraint than I am showing here.

Then I mailed the stupid pay stub with the form. Because if I’m going to continue paying for this shitty, annoying telecom, I am entitled to pay less for the abuse.

And then I found out this week that my cell phone provider has been giving the federal government all of my calling records.

“We appreciate your business, serf. Also, your bill is one day past due. Pay the balance immediately or we will hit you with four robocalls per day. Also, who the hell do you know in Pakistan? We’re asking for, uh, a friend. You call there a lot. Oh, wait, that’s where our customer service department is. Sorry. Asshole.”

In recent years, I have either become more aware of shitty customer service or I’m just more sensitive to it. Certain fast food restaurants seem to screw up my order about one-third of the time. Some grocery stores have ridiculously long lines and untrained cashiers to handle them. I avoid these places. If I lose my temper, you lose my cash.

Everybody has bad days at their jobs from time to time, but there are those businesses that are so relentlessly user-unfriendly that it just can’t be an accident. There’s something wrong with them from top to bottom. I mean, I’m really supposed to believe that a telecom service can build a mobile communications network but somehow cannot receive my confirmation of my corporate discount by email? Is that so?

Anyway, this thread is all about those unforgiveable lapses in failing to put the customer first. I treat you guys as my customers (although you’re frequently WRONG) and I treat my customers as kings. There is no place for sloppy, half-assed work.

So…

1. Celebrate good customer service with those bands that love their fans. They put on the best shows, sign the most autographs, and enjoy the best rapport with people on Twitter. I’d like some anecdotes here, if you have any.

2. Curse performers who are infamous for hideous treatment of fans and critics and/or for executing terrible shows. “Hi, thank you for calling. This is Axl. May I help you, you stupid cunt?” Anecdotes! News stories!

3. Songs or videos about working menial positions. As those of us who ever worked summer jobs as teenagers, the bitterness always comes out publicly eventually and the ensuing rage gets taken out on the nearest innocent patron who just ordered a coke with “just a little bit of ice”, a small sundae but in a large cup to keep it from dripping, and a cheeseburger with sweet and sour sauce on it.

Bonus: Take this job and shove it over to HR so they can post it on Indeed.com after I work my last day in a couple of weeks. Thanks.

First, an appropriate video.

Now for the dedications.

WVR: What could be worse than suing your own fans? Of Wolf and Man by Metallica

Mississippi Yan

Comments are closed.

  1. richtaylor365

    although you’re frequently WRONG

    Hey, was that directed at me? Good thing you didn’t insult me on John Dryden day.

    My pet peeve with customer service is having to give out the same information, twice. Banks and brokerage firms are notorious for this, the automated line will ask for stuff like SSN and account number, then after I jump through all those hoops, I get a live person and I have to provide the same info. all over a gain, ugghhh.

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  2. Santino

    WTF happened to the rest of the post? Did your provider finally cut you off? Did the government finally catch wind of your humourlessness and pull the plug? Are you providing shitty customer service in some sort of ironic twist?

    An obvious bonus.

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  3. Mississippi Yankee

    Made my fortune in the concession business of several circuses and entertainment venues. All ‘customer service’ was one on one. Even my two biggest suppliers (the Jap in Omaha and the Jew in Brooklyn. I swear that’s what they went by) was one on one by phone.

    And although the circus, for the most part, was here today and “down the road” tomorrow we alway had terrific repeat business. All complaints were squared on the spot. But absolutely the two biggest ASSHOLES I’ve ever encountered were Candice Bergen (Perfidious Twat) and Marvin Hamlisch (Douche Bag extraordinaire). Both at the Big Apple Circus and within days of each other. May her vag prolapse and suffer for eternity.

    #1. Celebrate good customer service with those bands that love their fans.

    For me it has to be Dr. Hook. My buddy and me went to see them at a High School auditorium in Manchester NH 1973. They literally crawled on stage, the performance was fantastic, and every little teenaged girl wanted them …completely.

    They invited Rick and I to come to the next town and party with them, three daze later we limped away sated and with more, possiblely underages, ‘stank’ on us then would be allowed to a Sebastian FL high school.

    I give you:

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  4. AlexInCT

    WTF happened to the rest of the post? Did your provider finally cut you off? Did the government finally catch wind of your humourlessness and pull the plug? Are you providing shitty customer service in some sort of ironic twist?

    My bet is that it is malformed HTML. You have a link that’s not properly formatted and the blog sites parser is clipping everything past it Thrill. Let me know if you need me to take a look at it for ya.

    And the best customer service clip ever is Joe Pesci’s character in one of the piss poor Lethal Weapon movies discussing how they fuck you at the drive through.

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  5. Thrill *

    Updated the playlist to this point.

    My bet is that it is malformed HTML. You have a link that’s not properly formatted and the blog sites parser is clipping everything past it Thrill. Let me know if you need me to take a look at it for ya.

    Now that is some good looking-out. Too bad it’s WRONG.

    A little something from the Clerks soundtrack for pfluffy.

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  6. Thrill *

    #1: Duran Duran puts on a GREAT show. Lots of songs, killer encore. I saw them live in 2004 and had a wonderful time. There’s something about mature bands that is reassuring. No drunken rants, they sound good, and they appreciate the fans who’ve always been there for them.

    Recommended.

    #2: Pearl Jam is infamous for Eddie Vedder’s idiotic twenty-minute-long political rants. Also, they sound shitty live.

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  7. Thrill *

    Good thing you didn’t insult me on John Dryden day.

    Oh, I could have worked that in: Musicians who got fired for unsatisfactory performance.

    First Letter of Remedy: CC Deville. Famously fired from Poison for fucking up during the MTV Music Awards:

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  8. Mississippi Yankee

    Good thing you didn’t insult me on John Dryden day.

    Drudge Breaking:
    In other news today the Safe Schools Czar released his new standardized survey format. The test will be used to identify at risk youth for special intervention…

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  9. InsipiD

    Now that I’ve seen the message complete with #3, I have to post one more: Oney, by Johnny Cash

    The Man in Black had a song for every occasion.

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  10. Thrill *

    The Man in Black had a song for every occasion.

    He kind of has a Professor Snape thing going on there between the hair and the cape.

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