Boy, Do I Feel Safe

More hi jinks are a foot at our local airports, and these I can’t blame on TSA. We all know about the zero common sense tolerance approach that Homeland Security takes in keeping us safe from those olive complected terrorists, keeping one step ahead of the jihadists is no small feat, so when John and Yoko decided to come pay us a visit, they got the welcome wagon is spades, God save the queen:

Two British tourists were barred from entering America after joking on Twitter that they were going to ‘destroy America’ and ‘dig up Marilyn Monroe’.
Leigh Van Bryan, 26, was handcuffed and kept under armed guard in a cell with Mexican drug dealers for 12 hours after landing in Los Angeles with pal Emily Bunting.
The Department of Homeland Security flagged him as a potential threat when he posted an excited tweet to his pals about his forthcoming trip to Hollywood which read: ‘Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America?

First off, any guy named Lee that spells his name Leigh deserves to get his ass kicked, so him fighting Mexican drug dealers for apple juice cartons in the pen, boo friggin hoo. The other interesting thing is that DHS flags tweets. Pretty sure they flag emails, phone calls, and right leaning blogs who have the temerity to comment about their activities (you guys rock,BTW, and I don’t mean “rock” as in a weapon).

Everything I know about the British I learned from watching “Snatch”, and because I’ve seen the movie I know for a fact that whatever you call that language of theirs, it ain’t English.

Despite telling officials the term ‘destroy’ was British slang for ‘party’, they were held on suspicion of planning to ‘commit crimes’ and had their passports confiscated.

This makes sense to me since I heard Bullet Tooth Tony, when asked if he wanted a drink say , “I could murder one” (I wonder if they talk this way mid coitus?)

Here is where I have no doubt that DHS agents go through the same dumb ass school as the TSA. I would expect a couple of ham fisted no necked agents to greet them as they deplaned, greeted, secured and taken to secluded area for questioning. I don’t give a shit how bad you bastardize the language, using “destroy” and “America” in the same sentence gets you looked at, too bad. I also got no problem with them being searched and their luggage looked at, welcome to America. But after finding no WMD’s in their luggage and a 5 minute explanation about the peculiarities of the British and how they talked, common sense would have dictated a drawing down of emotions and a phone call of ,”Boss, this is what we got………………..yeah, I agree, we will tell them to learn how to speak English then send them on their way”.

They spent 12 hours in separate holding cells before being driven back to the airport where they were put on a plane home via Paris.

Given the sad state of L.A.’s finances, they could have used some of those tourist dollars, now Paris gets them.

No doubt kudos will be passed around to all involved, how they were johnny on the spot, stalwart and steadfast, to protect the folks from a possible threat, but really, chalk this up as yet one more example that, as with the TSA, the DHS can really be staffed by monkeys for as much after thought they put into their actions. First, the lame collection of DVD’s and Obama’s speeches on tape, and now this, we really are wankers sometimes, and John and Yoko got proper f-cked!!

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  1. Kimpost

    I just don’t get this story. How could the result possibly have ended up in fucking deportation? :)

    It’s hilarious, when you think about it. I get that there are trigger words, but at some point the trigger words are analysed by actual human beings. You know, with brains (supposedly). A quick look at the twitter account should have pointed them towards the right direction. Hell, I don’t even think that they should have been questioned, even if I don’t have a big problem with that having happened. What’s amazing is that they questioned the kids for 12 hours before deporting them. Hahahaha! Fuck, someone in charge must have had a really bad day.

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  2. Seattle Outcast

    Everything I know about the British I learned from watching “Snatch”, and because I’ve seen the movie I know for a fact that whatever you call that language of theirs, it ain’t English.

    From personal experience I can tell you that Brits sound one of two way. 1) Stick up the ass, or 2) mumbling something indecipherable that sounds an awful lot like a frog clearing its throat following by shitting itself in surprise.

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  3. TxAg94

    The other interesting thing is that DHS flags tweets.

    Seems like I’ve seen a couple of things like this lately that have surprised me. Just one more reason I don’t know a damn thing about Twitter. All those various “social media” just seem like useful tools to the US.GOV when they need help getting the goods on someone.

    My friend and I always joke about being picked up by the NSA’s old Carnivore system. I guess it’s not a joke anymore.

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