The Year in TSA

Hmmm. The TSA blog had a proud post up about their successes in 2011. Let’s go through the list and see how many involve terrorists, shall we?

#10 was live animals caught in MIA and LAX. These were, um, not even weapons. And the smugglers were not terrorists.

#9 was a science project that looked like an explosive. So, um, not weapons. And not a terrorist.

#8 was a metallic martial arms spike. It was a weapon — they find lots of knives and guns apparently. But he was not a terrorist, just a martial arts twerp. People forget knives easily. I know people who’ve accidentally (and successfully) taken knives through TSA. And I almost did it myself recently, only remembering I had it while I was walking into the terminal.

#7 was a few inert land mines. Definitely a weapon and stupid to bring on a plane. Still not a terrorist.

#6 was a stun gun disguised as a phone. I’ll be generous and give TSA credit for finding this one. Still not a terrorist.

#5 was a flare gun with active flares. Christ, how stupid can you get? This was a dangerous item and I’m glad they found it. But … still not a terrorist.

#4 were two knives concealed in a book. The passenger had forgotten about them and voluntarily surrendered them. Still not a terrorist.

#3 is a broad collection of 1200 weapons, most of which passegers forgot they had packed. If they found 1200, let’s not think about how many they missed. None of these people were terrorists; we’d have heard about it from the gun grabbers.

#2 was a loaded .380 attached to a passenger’s leg that he forgot he had. He’s either a liar or a dumbass; still not a terrorist.

And #1 is the reason I wrote this post. It was small chunks of explosive a passenger was bringing home to show off to his family. What’s funny is that TSA is boasting about finding this .. on his return trip. That is, they missed the explosives the first time he went through. This suggests a new motto for TSA: Finding Maybe Half the Explosives.

Not mentioned? TSA has failed almost all covert tests of their security. Government authorities and media are routinely able to sneak guns, drugs, explosives and bomb parts past these guys. And the list of their “finds”, to be fair, should really include cupcakes, colostomy bags, urine bags and Amy Alkon’s vagina (to be fair, vaginas have been known to talk men into really stupid things).

The blog I linked is devoted to defending TSA. And all they can do is make them look stupider. What does that tell you?

Comments are closed.

  1. Seattle Outcast

    Don’t go so hard on them – they’ve made great strides in intruding themselves into all portions of everyone’s daily lives, continued redefining “terrorist” as anyone that doesn’t vote a straight democratic party ticket, stolen millions of dollars of personal property from luggage, and are well on their way to instituting a police state where all travel requires federal authorization, checkpoints and “papers please”….

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  2. Miguelito

    When my father returned from his AF stint in Turkey via commercial air.. he had to carry his rifle on the plane (and this was actually very common then). Strangely, no one died and the plane didn’t crash either.

    But we better keep every type of sharp metal object or anything that might possibly be a weapon out of the cabin of any plane, lest we’re all killed when the people that carry them snap. Because only a nut would ever need nail clippers or something you know.

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  3. InsipiD

    #10 was live animals caught in MIA and LAX. These were, um, not even weapons. And the smugglers were not terrorists.

    Unless they were smuggling snakehead fish. Then they were both. Whoever introduced those sons of bitches to the US deserves capital punishment.

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  4. Hal_10000 *

    Unless they were smuggling snakehead fish. Then they were both. Whoever introduced those sons of bitches to the US deserves capital punishment.

    No kidding. those things are scary.

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  5. Seattle Outcast

    Unless they were smuggling snakehead fish. Then they were both. Whoever introduced those sons of bitches to the US deserves capital punishment.

    I’ll have to agree with you on that one.

    On the other hand, 99.99% of the time when an exotic species is introduced there isn’t a problem. Rabbits, bullfrogs, snakeheads, lion fish, feral hogs and zebra mussels being exceptions. It usually turns out more like pheasants and most of the shrubs you have in your back yard.

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  6. hohokiss

    But we better keep every type of sharp metal object or anything that might possibly be a weapon out of the cabin of any plane, lest we’re all killed when the people that carry them snap. Because only a nut would ever need nail clippers or something you know.

    How desperately do you need nail clippers on the plane in that timeframe? Is that good manners? I get profane death threats from generic American rock fans on youtube for not liking videos. Is this just kids having fun and from stress, like those urinating on corpses, beating the homelees for fun?

    Whoever introduced those sons of bitches to the US deserves capital punishment.

    See, folks ready to have others killed over something they don’t like. These fish could’ve been imported for some profit, which is okay, or for fun, which is fine, too. Just for shits and giggles. Get some humor.

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