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Peel It Slowly

The religion of Islam, comedy gold. How great would it be if all those whacky Islamist were like the Amish, ya know, eccentric in their own ways but peaceful and rather endearing. Colloquial interactions are similar, instead of “thee’s” and “thou’s”, Muslims use “Jihad” and “death to America”, but they don’t quilt and would not know Shoe Fly Pie if they stepped in it. I’m trying to imagine a movie version of “Witness” with a Muslim spin, a shot through the gut John Book, delirious, finds himself smack dab in a Muslim village. Looking around he sees, women (or at least he thinks they are women) clad head to toe in black sheets, a couple of gay guys swinging lifeless, strung up by the neck on one edge of the village, a bloody pulp of a mess mixed in with one of those black sheets and half covered with rocks on the other edge, and bearded men approaching him with long scimitars in hand, not good.

Much has been made about the Arab Spring, and how, just possibly, a new age of Democracy will take root and flourish in the Middle East, don’t hold your breath:

EGYPT: Radical Islamists Win 80% of Run-Off Seats In Stage One

I’m sure job one on their new governmental agenda will be a new peace agreement with Israel.

I can’t think of anything more dysfunctional and antithetical to world peace then a Sharia complaint government. Any country that gives two cents of authority to Islamic clerics and considers blasphemy laws as judicial or morally justified is a train wreck waiting to happen. Government and religion does not mix, that is why we hold them separate (and invest considerable effort in defining that separation) here in America.

And probably the biggest problem with granting power and authority to these nut job clerics is that they are not only psychotically obsessed with sex, but they are so hypocritical and backwards in what they consider proper application. Two examples of their lunacy:

They equate shopping in the produce section of their local supermarket with going to a titty bar;

An Islamic cleric in Europe says that women should avoid bananas, cucumbers, zucchini and other phallic fruits and vegetables. They may arouse sexual thoughts and that would be horrible.

See, this one baffles me, knowing how horny all these Muslims are (more on that in a bit) I would think that they would want all their wives greased and ready to rumble.

I guess they realize their own lack of will power and self control, so now more than ever, what women wear in public needs to be regulated.

The recent emergence of the hardline Salafi trend in Egypt after the January 25 revolution has given way to a series of controversial fatwas that mainly focused on women, Copts, culture and democracy.

Preacher Mustafa al-Adawi issued a fatwa prohibiting Muslim women from wearing high heels because they are a source of seduction for men.

“A woman can only wear high heels for her husband but she is not to do so outside her house,” he said.

And heavens knows, we don’t want those horn dogs any more revved up then they already are.

It is no coincidence that when they raided the Bin Laden complex they found a stash of porn that would fill a NY land fill, ditto with Muammar Gaddafi when his palaces were gone through, his porn collection, love nests, and the discoveries of his males enhancement items, he was one sex machine.

If all these clerics would spend less time worrying about procreation and more on adhering to their holy book and leading a life more in tuned with it, the 13 year old females of the villages would not have to worry about their impending wedding night, and women in general would feel safer, more loved and more respected.

When going produce shopping is turned into a sexual adventure, and actual time/energy is wasted on regulating said activity for the sake of their religion, the sane world (as if they need more examples) needs to heap even more derision on those that can’t seem to drag themselves out of the 12th century.