As bad as our government can get, at least it’s not the fucking EU:
EU officials concluded that, following a three-year investigation
Stop the press. I want us all to pause for a moment and reflect on what we could do with a three-year investigation. Three years. 21 scientists. God knows how much effort. All to find:
Brussels bureaucrats were ridiculed yesterday after banning drink manufacturers from claiming that water can prevent dehydration.
Producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from making the claim and will face a two-year jail sentence if they defy the edict, which comes into force in the UK next month.
Last night, critics claimed the EU was at odds with both science and common sense. Conservative MEP Roger Helmer said: “This is stupidity writ large.
“The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.
“If ever there were an episode which demonstrates the folly of the great European project then this is it.”
I’m no friend of bottled water, but Jesus tap-dancing Christ, what in … I have … you can’t … what the … you’ve got to be kidding me. Two years in prison?!
Well, EU rules don’t bind me. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. It can also prevent heat stroke and heat exhaustion. If you’re doing any exertion in hot conditions, you should have water. And probably in a bottle, because that shit won’t stay in your pockets.
A meeting of 21 scientists in Parma, Italy, concluded that reduced water content in the body was a symptom of dehydration and not something that drinking water could subsequently control.
The article even quotes some guy who thinks the EU made the right decision, claiming the phrase “regular consumption of significant amounts of water can reduce the risk of development of dehydration” implies something special about bottled water, which it doesn’t, and that drinking water doesn’t reduce your chance of dehydration, which it does. The guy — Professor Brian Ratcliffe — is clearly one of these people who believes that government stating something makes it so — that authority has the power to change the laws of nature.
Hey, you know what? I think I’m going to celebrate that I’m not in the EU some more. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration. Bottled water can prevent dehydration.
Damn, it feels good just to say it. This needs to be our rallying cry against idiot bureaucrats of all stripes. The next time Obama signs some law making us all say our prayers at bedtime or something, I’m going to respond with “Bottled water can prevent dehydration.”
Seriously, folks. You can’t make this shit up.