Best of Lee: 1996 USENET Classic “Tossing my salad”

WARNING – NSFW.

Before anyone knew him as Lee from RTFTLC, he was known for years as Buck Satan, a moniker he borrowed from Al Jourgensen of Ministry. I met him in the Usenet newsgroup alt.music.nin in 1994. NIN fans were “ninnies” and denizens of alt,music.nin were “amninnies,”  just so you understand the terminology. In case it’s not obvious, I’m Stark.

In September of 1996, Lee posted something that will live on amongst amninnies forever. Literally, forever. It was just referenced earlier today on Facebook which is what prompted me to go find the original text and share it with you here, now.

From: 2-Buck Shakur (thx1***@pacificnet.net)
Subject: Salad Tossing and other nastiness…
Newsgroups: alt.music.nin
Date: 1996/09/17

Okay, I haven’t posted in a while, and I was talking with Stark about this the other day, and I thought that I’d get a few opinions on this from you fucking ninnies.

I had a date with this chick the other day, and afterwards we came back to my pad, and one thing led to another and we ended up rolling around butt-ass nekkid on my king-size bed.  We were doing the usual licking/sucking/groping things that two people do.

I was laying on my back, and she was down in the “nether region” giving me a blowjob.  Then the weird shit happened. She started playing with my ass crack.  Okay, I’m thinking, no biggie, feels kinda cool.  Then she starts licking my ass crack.  Okay, this is kinda weird, I think.  Then she starts LICKING MY MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!  She started TOSSING MY FUCKING SALAD!

It was entirely too fucking weird.  I didn’t know whether to get into it or whether to run screaming from the room and spray ammonia up my ass with a fucking firehose.  I mean, it didn’t feel *BAD*, per se… it’s just that… I mean, it’s my fucking ASSHOLE for christ’s sake…  ASSHOLE! Shit comes out of there, ya know?  My fucking sphincter!

I don’t know what to think, ya know?  I mean, one the one hand it felt kinda cool and shit, but on the other… I mean, it’s my ANUS! BLEECH! She stuck her TONGUE UP MY FUCKING HAIRY ASS!

I can understand if this is like some pornstar chicks ass, ya know?  I mean, some nice, clean, perfumed, shaved crotch I can sorta understand burying your face down there… but this is me… Buck.  Those of you who know me can imagine what my asshole is like – my fucking hairy, shit-encusted, smelly fucking bunghole nestled between two pimply, hairy, gelatinous mounds of ass-cheek.  It just fucking turns my stomach sometimes…

So, what I wanna get is some comments and shit.  Anyone out there an ass-eater from way back?  I mean, when you go to Baskin Robbins and they ask you what flavor you want, do you say colon?  Any of you out there,guy or chick, enjoy having your asshole eaten out?  This whole ass thing is pretty fucking new to me on the RECEIVING end, and it’s just kinda freaking me out sorta…

Okay, I’m gonna go hang myself now.

Buck
Saving his sphincter for Stark…

Lee was a lot of things. Loud, big of heart and stature, boisterous, funny as shit, and among his many traits was consistency. 1996, pre-blog, he was just as filthy, funny and open about his daily life as he was for so many years at RTFTLC.

I mean, when you go to Baskin Robbins and they ask you what flavor you want, do you say colon?

Genius. :)

Comments are closed.

  1. Rann

    I can’t stop laughing. And I don’t mean these long peels of merriment, I’ll just let out this short burst of “WTF?!” laughter, then sit here grinning all weird, and then another short burst of laughter. That’s what this induces in me. Is still inducing in me. FUCK, what the hell, why won’t this stop?!

    Thumb up 1

  2. JimK *

    That is exactly the reaction I have had to him since 1994. Periodic bursts of “WTF?” laughter but sometimes it’s that exhaustion laugh where you can’t breathe.

    Thumb up 0

  3. HARLEY

    I can understand if this is like some pornstar chicks ass, ya know? I mean, some nice, clean, perfumed, shaved crotch I can sorta understand burying your face down there… but this is me… Buck

    LOL he had such a way with words.

    Thumb up 0

  4. NativeSon

    He was definitely one funny dude. I wish I had the pleasure of meeting him. I’m drinking a Jack and Coke tonight in his honor.

    Thumb up 0

  5. InsipiD

    That’s disgusting, and classic Lee. It’ll be a while before I have chocolate anything at Baskin-Robbins.

    You mind sharing under what context this was mentioned today?

    Thumb up 0

  6. JimK *

    Not at all. The amninnies have a facebook group and old pics are being scanned and uploaded all the time. Someone posted Lee from I think 1996 or 1997, and this comment thread ensued. Any time salad tossing comes up…that’s specifically what we’re all thinking. That post. :)

    Thumb up 0

  7. HARLEY

    ok,something my sick twisted ass does not know about., now what the fuck is pegging?..

    oh hell………………… That is what it is called?

    Thumb up 0

  8. hist_ed

    WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT PEGGING IS?!?!?

    Mild mannered junior high history teacher by day; by night he assumes a secret identity . . .

    Thumb up 0

  9. hist_ed

    Hahaha. Speaking of pegging. Might leave some santorum (a name fitting a presidential candidate)!

    That has to be one of the most impressive and effective bits of guerrilla politicking in history. Santorum will never be President because of Dan Savage

    Thumb up 2

  10. HARLEY

    I have a friend i meet on line, lives in Calif, very hot, i set her up with a buddy of mine, oh well hell she sent me a few videos pf her doing that to guys…. WTF.
    She loves doing it, gives her a sense of power.

    Thumb up 0

  11. Hal_10000

    OK. Now this is weird. The “blistering cheesey cunt sores” thing reminded me that Lee once set things up so that blisteringcheese.com led here. Now it seems to lead some RTFLC alternate universe with old posts. Hmmm.

    Thumb up 0

  12. JimK *

    There was a period where right thinking the domain was being blitzed with a DDOS coming in by domain name, and we were trying to come up with an alternate to keep the blog alive while dealing with the DDOS. The name – and the line, come from a video from one of our old parties in NOLA in either 96 or 98. Someone stuck the camera in his face and said “Say something funny.” Didn’t miss a beat. Just stared right back and deadpanned “Blistering cheesy cunt sores.”

    I think he let the domain expire a few years ago and some scraper picked it up, grabbed some text and parked it. I’d try to get it back – blisteringcheese is a brilliant domain name – but the squatter wants an offer of $2500 to sell it. Fuck that.

    Thumb up 0