Psycho Girlfriends

Last week I ran into an ex girlfriend who I hadn’t seen in several years, not since like I got married. Reminiscing is always fun and she seems happy but all the while I could not shake this unsettling feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. After we parted, it kicked in what was eating at me, she was a psycho girlfriend, not one of those quirky idiosyncratic types that initially is appealing but turns creepy over night, no, she was the Glenn Close type. I started remembering those stranger then life scenes that precipitated the break up, the box left on my doorstep laden with gifted lingerie that met an unseemly demise with a pair of scissors, the tossed brick at my house that narrowly missed my window, and the numerous phone messages that intimated a sexual climax she would  obtain at anything involving my blood being spilled. Ah, good times,  then I  remembered this youtube video:

 

 

It is a few years old, but solid gold in revealing the travails involved when getting involved with “passionate” people. Oh, and any video that showcases a soundtrack from one of the best movies ever made, jackpot.

 

But with the ubiquity of female types out there that take “maintaining relationships” to totally unhealthy levels I figure I can’t be the only one that ever dated an Alex Forrest. I looked purgatory in the face and lived to tell about it.

 

So here is your chance, regale us with your tales of risking bodily harm,  your image and your own self esteem, just to get laid. I thought my own experience of the cut up lingerie was pretty creepy, can anybody top that?

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  1. Rann

    I forget where I heard this, but it resonated deeply with me so I’ve held to it since.

    When looking to meet women, there are three things about each of them: Attractive, Single, Sane.

    Pick two.

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  2. Seattle Outcast

    I could write a book about the years spent with the PBFH – it left me with one rule about women that I stick with almost 20 years later: NO CRAZY CHICKS
    Aside from all the obvious cliche’s about living with a complete nutjob, the real eye-opener comes when she decides it’s time to kill you because she’s “moved on” and would like to keep all of your stuff.  Not that my stuff at the time was anything great, but she’d managed to lose all of her stuff and didn’t want to actually have to go out an buy new furniture when she’d already helped pick out mine.
    I’m also dead certain that her husband didn’t “commit suicide” several years before I met her, but she made it look like one and had been sleeping around with the local cops for a couple years ahead of time to make sure it didn’t get looked into very closely.  One of her kids pretty much confirmed that one for me later.
    Remember, crazy doesn’t equal stupid.

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  3. AlexInCT

    Jeez SO, you like living on the edge huh?

    Me, I have no such funny stories. Most of the women I dated were sane – I was good at picking out the insane ones and avoiding them – and the few that got through the screening process moved on, or got kicked out, and decided it was in their favor not to try to play me.

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  4. JimK

    My ex is managing the TSA branch at a major American airport. Like, a big international one. I have never in my life heard of someone more suited to the job in which they ended up.

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  5. Seattle Outcast

    She was 13 years older and, well, she DID things. Things that sane chicks just could not compete with because they weren’t crazy enough to do them. Or at least not with the single-minded enthusiasm that only a psycho can muster.

    Living on the edge isn’t what I signed on for, but that’s the road trip it turned into. It’s one of those things where you wake up on day and wonder just how in hell did your life get so fucking crazy.

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  6. richtaylor365 *

    I thought this thread would of gained much more traction. In college I dated a girl that carved my initials in her hand with a razor blade, once I found out I ran for the hills, actually had to drop a class to avoid her. I always assumed that most guys had stories like this.

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  7. richtaylor365 *

    Ah come on, I’m feeling like maybe it’s me and I just attract the nut jobs. Don’t leave me hanging out there.

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  8. HARLEY

    Hmm, I had this one batshit crazy, but extremely good lay, of a Girlfriend, dump me, and set me up, with a married or separated woman. After hitting a run down blues bar we use to frequent, the bartender, in on the game i guess,or maybe not, told me i had some waiting for me. I seen her before there and talked to hear a few times, so i was pretty confident that she was serious.
    After 3 or so dances and a lil grab ass, i was grabbed spun around and threatened by a , well to put it mildly, a fucking big ass bike type.
    Well after the accusation of cheating and “fucking my wife”, with divorce and restraining order banted about, i made my exit.
    I was about half way down the block when he came out of the bar screaming , i still to this day can hear him say you lil fuck, when the first of three .38s passed my head.
    My ass went to the ground and behind the nearest car, and i was about to piss my pants, and sobered up VERY fast.
    Now to make this short i got my asout of there, got to my car and took off, all that i do know is some one tackled him and he was arrested, saw his pic in the paper a few days later.
    All because of that physco bitch.
    I hate Hannibal Missouri, with good reason

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  9. CM

    Sorry, I got nothing. Been with my wife since I was 20…..and only dated a handful of girls before that, all of whom were way less crazy than me. I’m enjoying reading about what I’ve missed out on though! And that YouTube video was great.

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  10. HARLEY

    HA! i at one point i referred to this as my give me 2 steps story, but, it really did happen this way. oh and the bitch in question s name was Cheryl, God she gave awesome head.

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  11. Seattle Outcast

    Crap – that reminds of what happened to me and my buddy in 1998. We decided to go see the latest mindless action movie one Saturday afternoon and when the movie was over the chick who was sitting in front of him turned around and started accusing him of kicking her seat during the entire movie (I was a couple seats away, and knew that this hadn’t actually happened), at which point her overly-manicured BF steps in and gets ready to beat the shit out of my buddy. It was a classic game of “I get wet when you get violent, so let’s find a target”, and it was right then that I stepped in got in their faces.

    You could see their puny little minds race as the whole equation changed – instead of getting to beat up this short guy whose whole body language just screamed “victim”, they now also had to deal with a 6-foot’ pissed off redneck who was in their face. The started to back off, so I told Rich that it was time to get out of there and we headed out the back way. The BF must have been told that he wasn’t getting any so they decided to follow us – once we got outside he started saying shit and was getting closer, and when he got too close I spun and dropped into astandard kumite stance and waited for shit to happen. He just fucking stood there, slack-jawed and staring…I think I had steam coming out of my ears. After ten seconds he turned and walked off, and I spent the next 8 hours dealing with a shitload of adrenaline.

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  12. richtaylor365 *

    CM, in retrospect you probably haven’t missed much. Don’t get me wrong, dating psycho women has its advantages, they are usually, how can I put delicately, “more accommodating” in certain areas, but unless you always carry Lithium you, every date can be like Mr. Toads Wild Ride.

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